You really coming over, don't trick.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
