It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
