I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
should my penis look like a turkey
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
