I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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