I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The air was thick with penises
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Success! We fucked roommates!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
