can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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