those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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