So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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