I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
