You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
