My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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