That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
