On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
