Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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