You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
