When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
