my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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