My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
