so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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