ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
