Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
