She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
