all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
