ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
