in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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