so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
