She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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