i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize