well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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