i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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