yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dick has a subreddit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
