you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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