My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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