So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I did not marry a roomba.
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