I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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