Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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