i was born a porn star she said
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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