I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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