Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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