If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
