Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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