he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
