I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
