grandma shit on top of the toilet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
