i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
