I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
