Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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