Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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