it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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