There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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