Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
