You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
