I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
