i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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