where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
