i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
