If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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