Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
