If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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