i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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